After my previous blog post, maybe you're asking yourself what happened? Where did he go? I'll tell you :)
Before I continue, since I'm not in the DTS anymore, I deleted the "WHY DTS?" page. I'll give you a quick story of why or how I ended up doing my DTS. I knew about DTS and I've wanted to do one since I was 10. I went to Ensenada, MX with my dad when he did his DTS there in 2001. I worked with mission adventures in Ensenada in 2001 and 2003 helping out with translating. In September of 2010 I had a trip planned with a friend to San Diego, she backed out of the trip so since I already had the paid time off from work, I decided I'd just go spend some time in Tijuana with my dad. When I go to Tijuana I thought "Hey, why not go visit Kody and Lindsay in Ensenada?" and we went down there. As soon as I got to Ensenada everybody started peer pressuring me into doing a DTS because I had promised to do one when I was 18, and I was now 20. After bugging me for a while, Kody got down to business, he asked what needed to happen for me to do a DTS and I responded with "I'll come do a DTS if I get fired from my job." Whether they actually prayed or they joked that I'd get fired from my job, I don't know, but I definitely believe it's something at least Lindsay would do, LOL. I got back home to Las Vegas and I had completely forgotten about it at that point, there was no way I was getting fired from my job. Lindsay posted on my Facebook with the link to the DTS application and I ignored her, there was no way. 2 weeks later, I got fired from my job, for an extremely stupid reason. I guess it was God going "haha, I can make it happen any way I want." After I got fired, instantly I knew I had to do a DTS, but it had started 4 days earlier. I messaged Kody and told him what happened and he responded with "LIndsay wont stop laughing, Giezi will call you later." I had a chat with Giezi and he accepted me to the school.
Fast forward to my post on this blog. The weeks after that post were extremely stressful. I needed an insane amount of money, and nothing was coming in. I tried selling my camera and my phone to get a little something with no luck. I kept a brave face on for people, always saying "God will provide, don't worry" but I was so scared. I don't think anyone knows truly how stressed I am. I really wanted to believe what I was saying to people but it was hard, I didn't know that I could believe it. It seemed like everybody around me was getting money left and right, while I was happy for them of course, I was also bitter that God was helping me out. My issue was that God knew where I was coming from. Back home I wasn't going to church, I had no church to support me, nobody Christian around me to really understand what I was doing, he knew all this and still called me here, and I felt like he wasn't showing up when I felt he should have. Everything is on God's time though, eh? Not on our time.
Looking back, one of the most frustrating things for me were the words God was giving people for me. Everytime God gave somebody a word for me during lecture phase it was along the lines of "Break down the walls around you and come to me." During lecture phase everybody was having these amazing experiences with God and I always felt like there was something standing in my way, I couldn't describe how I felt to anybody but I felt so strongly that there was just something there, something holding me back from completely just being with God, and I didn't like it. I prayed a lot for God to show me how to break down these walls and it just wasn't working.
Everybody left for outreach on December 17th, some on the 19th. When the last group of people left on December 19th, I still hadn't received a single penny for the ~$3800 I owed. Of course, I still kept a strong face for everybody and told them "God will provide, I will be praying even on the drive home if I get sent home." and man, I really wanted to believe that I'd make it on this outreach. On Monday the 20th, I had a short meeting with Tym and Giezi (the DTS leaders) and we got down to business, if I didn't have the money by the 23rd, I was going home. That made it real to me, the first thing that went through my head was "Shit, I'm going home." Before this point, I could count the times I have cried in the last 10 years on 1 hand. After that meeting I went back to my room and prayed... and prayed. I was starting to feel depressed so I decided to go for a run on the beach. While running on the beach I felt God telling me to stop and talk to him. It's hard to explain what happened next or my thought process, but anybody that saw me must have thought I was crazy. I started telling God how I felt, or rather shouting at God how I felt. After shouting to him how I felt, I started shouting why I wanted to go on outreach, and that's when I lost it. I started crying, and crying, and crying. And that's when it hit me, I was breaking down the walls. I feel like I had to take off my tough guy mask and just be real with God for a second. While it was good that I was telling everybody I had faith, which I did, in a sense I was being fake with God. I wasn't praying to him how I really felt, and that's what he wanted. I definitely feel like I needed to reach that breaking point to get closer to God.
After the beach I went back to my room, oddly, feeling better, the past few days I didn't want to leave my room because I felt depressed. Something felt different now though, I logged onto IHOP (International House of Prayer) and just prayed and read my bible. The next day I wasn't really sure I wanted to leave my room, I had that gloomy feeling again, but Alex (staff member at the base) asked me to come down to her office to hang out, so I went down there. We talked for a little bit and then Sheril Brasher walked in. I met Sheril back during our outreach prep week when she came down to teach us dramas and tell us a little bit about what to expect during outreach. She saw I was still on base and asked me why and so I explained my whole financial situation to her. She sat there in silence for a little bit and then said "I feel God is telling me to give you money, so I'm sending it now" and it was an amount that I did not expect. Then she said a few of her friends were also giving me money, and that's when it turned around. Tym came to talk to me again about finances and I had gotten $400 here, $300 there. $100 here, another $400 there. $1000 here, $200 there. At that point, I had enough to go on the Mexico outreach, not on the Dominican Republic outreach like I had originally been put on. He talked to the outreach leaders and we all decided it'd be best for me to go on the Mexico outreach. At that point, I was happy to go on outreach, but also a little disappointed that I wasn't going to be on the outreach I thought I was going to be on for the last 3 months, with the people I spent time preparing with for the last 3 months. I went to do some praying. First I apologized to God for being disappointed when he had just provided all this money for me to go, then I prayed for him to give me a little hint why he switched me. I started to get a lot of revelation, all the reasons were personal so I wont share, but it was obvious that being on the Mexico outreach was where I needed to be. I ended up going on the Mexico outreach and had one of the best times of my entire life. It was an amazing experience, once the walls were broken down, I felt my relationship with God getting stronger and stronger. And I believe I helped a lot of people and I know a lot of people helped me so I thank God for switching me. You'll hear about my experiences more in depth throughout the next few weeks, I plan on writing a couple blogs covering my whole DTS experience, so there will be a lot of reading, some boring I'm sure, and a lot of experiences being shared. Thank you for reading :)
Before I continue, since I'm not in the DTS anymore, I deleted the "WHY DTS?" page. I'll give you a quick story of why or how I ended up doing my DTS. I knew about DTS and I've wanted to do one since I was 10. I went to Ensenada, MX with my dad when he did his DTS there in 2001. I worked with mission adventures in Ensenada in 2001 and 2003 helping out with translating. In September of 2010 I had a trip planned with a friend to San Diego, she backed out of the trip so since I already had the paid time off from work, I decided I'd just go spend some time in Tijuana with my dad. When I go to Tijuana I thought "Hey, why not go visit Kody and Lindsay in Ensenada?" and we went down there. As soon as I got to Ensenada everybody started peer pressuring me into doing a DTS because I had promised to do one when I was 18, and I was now 20. After bugging me for a while, Kody got down to business, he asked what needed to happen for me to do a DTS and I responded with "I'll come do a DTS if I get fired from my job." Whether they actually prayed or they joked that I'd get fired from my job, I don't know, but I definitely believe it's something at least Lindsay would do, LOL. I got back home to Las Vegas and I had completely forgotten about it at that point, there was no way I was getting fired from my job. Lindsay posted on my Facebook with the link to the DTS application and I ignored her, there was no way. 2 weeks later, I got fired from my job, for an extremely stupid reason. I guess it was God going "haha, I can make it happen any way I want." After I got fired, instantly I knew I had to do a DTS, but it had started 4 days earlier. I messaged Kody and told him what happened and he responded with "LIndsay wont stop laughing, Giezi will call you later." I had a chat with Giezi and he accepted me to the school.
Fast forward to my post on this blog. The weeks after that post were extremely stressful. I needed an insane amount of money, and nothing was coming in. I tried selling my camera and my phone to get a little something with no luck. I kept a brave face on for people, always saying "God will provide, don't worry" but I was so scared. I don't think anyone knows truly how stressed I am. I really wanted to believe what I was saying to people but it was hard, I didn't know that I could believe it. It seemed like everybody around me was getting money left and right, while I was happy for them of course, I was also bitter that God was helping me out. My issue was that God knew where I was coming from. Back home I wasn't going to church, I had no church to support me, nobody Christian around me to really understand what I was doing, he knew all this and still called me here, and I felt like he wasn't showing up when I felt he should have. Everything is on God's time though, eh? Not on our time.
Looking back, one of the most frustrating things for me were the words God was giving people for me. Everytime God gave somebody a word for me during lecture phase it was along the lines of "Break down the walls around you and come to me." During lecture phase everybody was having these amazing experiences with God and I always felt like there was something standing in my way, I couldn't describe how I felt to anybody but I felt so strongly that there was just something there, something holding me back from completely just being with God, and I didn't like it. I prayed a lot for God to show me how to break down these walls and it just wasn't working.
Everybody left for outreach on December 17th, some on the 19th. When the last group of people left on December 19th, I still hadn't received a single penny for the ~$3800 I owed. Of course, I still kept a strong face for everybody and told them "God will provide, I will be praying even on the drive home if I get sent home." and man, I really wanted to believe that I'd make it on this outreach. On Monday the 20th, I had a short meeting with Tym and Giezi (the DTS leaders) and we got down to business, if I didn't have the money by the 23rd, I was going home. That made it real to me, the first thing that went through my head was "Shit, I'm going home." Before this point, I could count the times I have cried in the last 10 years on 1 hand. After that meeting I went back to my room and prayed... and prayed. I was starting to feel depressed so I decided to go for a run on the beach. While running on the beach I felt God telling me to stop and talk to him. It's hard to explain what happened next or my thought process, but anybody that saw me must have thought I was crazy. I started telling God how I felt, or rather shouting at God how I felt. After shouting to him how I felt, I started shouting why I wanted to go on outreach, and that's when I lost it. I started crying, and crying, and crying. And that's when it hit me, I was breaking down the walls. I feel like I had to take off my tough guy mask and just be real with God for a second. While it was good that I was telling everybody I had faith, which I did, in a sense I was being fake with God. I wasn't praying to him how I really felt, and that's what he wanted. I definitely feel like I needed to reach that breaking point to get closer to God.
After the beach I went back to my room, oddly, feeling better, the past few days I didn't want to leave my room because I felt depressed. Something felt different now though, I logged onto IHOP (International House of Prayer) and just prayed and read my bible. The next day I wasn't really sure I wanted to leave my room, I had that gloomy feeling again, but Alex (staff member at the base) asked me to come down to her office to hang out, so I went down there. We talked for a little bit and then Sheril Brasher walked in. I met Sheril back during our outreach prep week when she came down to teach us dramas and tell us a little bit about what to expect during outreach. She saw I was still on base and asked me why and so I explained my whole financial situation to her. She sat there in silence for a little bit and then said "I feel God is telling me to give you money, so I'm sending it now" and it was an amount that I did not expect. Then she said a few of her friends were also giving me money, and that's when it turned around. Tym came to talk to me again about finances and I had gotten $400 here, $300 there. $100 here, another $400 there. $1000 here, $200 there. At that point, I had enough to go on the Mexico outreach, not on the Dominican Republic outreach like I had originally been put on. He talked to the outreach leaders and we all decided it'd be best for me to go on the Mexico outreach. At that point, I was happy to go on outreach, but also a little disappointed that I wasn't going to be on the outreach I thought I was going to be on for the last 3 months, with the people I spent time preparing with for the last 3 months. I went to do some praying. First I apologized to God for being disappointed when he had just provided all this money for me to go, then I prayed for him to give me a little hint why he switched me. I started to get a lot of revelation, all the reasons were personal so I wont share, but it was obvious that being on the Mexico outreach was where I needed to be. I ended up going on the Mexico outreach and had one of the best times of my entire life. It was an amazing experience, once the walls were broken down, I felt my relationship with God getting stronger and stronger. And I believe I helped a lot of people and I know a lot of people helped me so I thank God for switching me. You'll hear about my experiences more in depth throughout the next few weeks, I plan on writing a couple blogs covering my whole DTS experience, so there will be a lot of reading, some boring I'm sure, and a lot of experiences being shared. Thank you for reading :)
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